People call him Dan. And by people, we mean people.
Why? Its better that way. Trust him.
There’s not a lot that you need to know about Dan. But what you do need to know, we’ve listed here.
He’s mostly trustworthy and honest to a fault. If you don’t believe us, just ask his ex-es.
He’s considerably liberal, but not the sixties hippie type (not that he doesn’t like that brand of liberalism, it’s just not his bag, baby). His political ideals are focused on results. Some people call it cowardly, or copping-out. He calls it Pragmatic Liberalism.
He’s obsessed with politics. To the point where he can’t talk about anything else. Seriously. When there’s nothing interesting happening state-side, he’s been known to marathon Prime Minister’s Questions on YouTube. If you were to meet him in a bar, he’d probably drunkenly suggest you try it and then imitate an exchange — poorly.
He drinks his beer cold and his coffee hot. Because he was born in “‘murica.” We believe this is more evidence of his copping-out, but he insists that it will reduce the birther conspiracies he will face in his presidential campaign.
His full name is Stephan Yhann. So where does the Dan come from? Simple: its his middle name. He’d like to say it’s short for Danger, but really it’s an abbreviated form of Daniel Asad. Yes, he did get two middles names for the price of one.
So why should you care what he has to say? We’re not sure. In fact, we’re pretty sure that he’s not even sure. But what we’re hoping is that you’ll find anyone who refers to them-self in the third-person-plural worthy of your time, attention, and maybe even a subdued giggle.
Stephan Daniel Asad Yhann